Author: Melissa Gates

• 40 Things I Learned at 40

  While I have a month to go until I officially reach my prime, these thoughts keep surfacing and I figured if I dumped them all here I could move on with my day.

  A little older, a little wiser. Still just a number.

  1. I have learned that I don’t always have to be right (even if I sincerely know I am).
  2. I have learned that it requires less energy to seek acceptance & peace than to be angry.
  3. I have learned that a sixteen-year-old child has helped to keep my wardrobe honest.
  4. I have learned how to smile – and mean it.
  5. I have learned the true meaning of sacrifice.
  6. I have learned that being a parent is one of life’s greatest privileges.
  7. I have learned that what goes around really does come around.
  8. I have learned that the term “work-life balance” is total bullshit.
  9. I have learned that being honest usually doesn’t make everyone happy.
  10. I have learned that I can’t do everything in a day (maybe at 50 I will stop trying).
  11. I have learned that it’s okay to not be okay all of the time.
  12. I have learned that traveling is my therapy.
  13. I have learned how to recognize what’s not meant for me.
  14. I have learned that the people that are present in my life are very different than expected.
  15. I have learned to find blessings in the hard times – they really don’t last as long as we think.
  16. I have learned that the truth never changes.
  17. I have learned that stubbornness can get me everything I want or nothing at all.
  18. I have learned that the concept of a diet and a bank account is more similar than I realized.
  19. I have learned that it’s much easier to love someone else if you love yourself first.
  20. I have learned that forgiveness isn’t about the other person.
  21. I have learned how to accept a compliment.
  22. I have learned that I am not responsible for bearing the weight of other peoples’ problems.
  23. I have learned how to “find my people.”
  24. I have learned that things aren’t always what they seem.
  25. I have learned how to trust the process.
  26. I have learned that being a single mom has helped to create the best version of myself.
  27. I have learned that I don’t always have to have all of the answers.
  28. I have learned that the more I experience loss, the more room it creates for opportunity.
  29. I have learned that I don’t always need to explain or defend myself.
  30. I have learned that there are no rules.
  31. I have learned the difference between excuses and reasons.
  32. I have learned how to live with intention.
  33. I have learned to keep my standards high and expectations low.
  34. I have learned that I still hate losing.
  35. I have learned that the less material possessions own, the more freedom I have.
  36. I have learned that being alone is one of the safest places I have been.
  37. I have learned how to give the grace that I once needed.
  38. I have learned how to let go.
  39. I have learned that a simple life is the best life.
  40. I have learned that where I am, right now, I am enough. 

  March 27, 2019

  ---

• Learning to Live

  

  Why did I finally decide to start a blog now?  

  …because why not? How many things do we have on our lists or in the back of our minds to get done and just keep pushing it off? There is never really a perfect time to do anything, so I just decided to do it NOW.

  The amount of nights that I lay awake with ideas and thoughts running through my mind are seemingly more frequent, and so now I have an outlet for expression.

  And finally, I feel like am on the brink of change – AGAIN. Not like a change in the season, but something life changing. I don’t know what that is yet, but I do know that sharing my experiences has proven one thing – I believe we all want to be understood and if we take the time to listen to one another (removing our personal motives), we’re all connected in some fashion. So I will keep sharing and connecting.

  What topics will I blog about?

  • I survived a divorce and the failure of a couple more relationships.
  • I am barely surviving the dating scene at almost-forty.
  • I am a proud, single mom for 10 years now (mostly proud because I once killed a cactus, but still found the necessary skills to keep a child alive), so parenting is a rewarding topic.
  • I have a Bachelor’s degree in Interior Design with various, unplanned industries that make up my professional career including technical aspects in the homebuilding industry (component design), banking, education, manufacturing and, currently, IT/web design in healthcare. (Variety is the spice of life.)
  • I have freelanced many a gig in photography and home design/decorating.
  • I became a personal trainer in the midst of training to compete in bodybuilding (twice), competed in CrossFit, completed the Spartan Trifecta, various running and biking events and currently training for the next big challenge in 2019. Needless to say, I have a passion for health and fitness.
  • I am a mentor and a mentee. I think both are necessary in this life.
  • I have experienced spiritual growth that has proven necessary to the way I think and the life I live.
  • I have the most amazing friendships and support systems in family, friends and colleagues that fill me with guidance, courage and laughter every single day.

  Why is it called “Learning to Live?”

  I commissioned my Facebook friends to help me decide on a name for this blog, and while there were so many creative ideas, most of them included my name. There was this strange feeling about my name being included because I felt like the focus is on me. (I know, the irony of creating a personal blog that has my own name in it. Insert sarcasm here). I feel like everything I share is a result of an encounter with other people and circumstances and the manner in which it influences and shapes me.

  Life is about learning to live through failures and successes as well as those who cross our path to teach us the lessons we need to learn in order to live a richer, fuller life. It’s an opportunity to start over as many times as it takes to get it right. It’s about being strong when we feel weak, being kind when we’re having a bad day, loving unlovable people. We are all Learning to Live. Every. Single. Day.

  December 31, 2018

  ---